A Letter to Bullies from the Heart of a Mother

Dear Bully,

I am writing to you on behalf of all parents whose children have been affected by bullying in one way or another; whether recently or in the past years. My heart is burdened with this topic and my prayer for you as you read this letter is that you will become aware of the hurt, damage and pain you cause those you choose to bully and how it affects not only them, but the ones they love. While you might believe your actions to be cool, know this; they’re not. They’re serious and they’re not going unnoticed by those affected but most importantly, by the God of all creation.

Please allow me to provide the Merriam-Webster definition of the word Bully:  to frighten, hurt, or threaten (a smaller or weaker person) : to act like a bully toward (someone); to cause (someone) to do something by making threats or insults or by using force.

As one website puts it: it is aggressive behavior that is unwanted. It involves there being a perceived imbalance of power. Real imbalance or not, it is how the victim sees it. This aggressive behavior is sometimes a one-off thing with the potential for repetition, but more often than not, the bully continues to repeat the bullying behavior over and over throughout time.  Some forms of bullying are physical but they can also be via cyberspace bullying, verbal and social bullying.

You might be the type of bully who hurts others because you simply find pleasure in hurting others. Seeing someone cry, afraid, withdrawn, not retaliating against you, might make you feel as if you’ve succeeded in your attempt to belittle them. You might also be the type of bully who doesn’t “intend” to hurt others but because you’ve been hurt, you result in hurting others. There is a saying that goes “hurt people, hurt people” and it’s true. So many of you are not only the abuser, but also, the abused.

Please know that:

  • Bullying someone because of how they look is WRONG.
  • Bullying someone because of their sexual orientation is WRONG.
  • Bullying someone because they’re not a fighter or choose not to retaliate is WRONG.
  • Bullying someone of a different ethnic background is WRONG.
  • Bullying someone because of their financial/economic status is WRONG.
  • Bullying someone who is less fortunate than you are is WRONG.
  • Bullying someone who chooses to value their virginity, respect girls, respect boys and overall respect people is WRONG.

Plainly put, bullying is ABUSE and it is not only unjustifiable but it is ALWAYS WRONG and you need to stop because your actions have consequences. Morally, physically, legally and most importantly spiritually.

I don’t know if you’re aware of the harm you cause those you bully but let me enlighten you to some of the emotions one of your victims may feel….

Broken, withdrawn, fearful, insecure, sad, depressed, suicidal tendencies, isolated, angry, bitter, frustrated, unimportant, worthless and faithless are only some of the words that describe the way a person you have bullied has possibly felt.

I have heard of so many cases of people who were bullied and took their lives as a result of the abuse. One girl specifically during my high school years, hung herself from the girl’s bathroom in a school back home all because her boyfriend broke up with her and his new girlfriend and her friends bullied her.

Do I need to mention the several kids who have killed themselves via social media videos because they felt life wasn’t worth living as a result of someone or some people made it their life goal to make their victims  hate themselves and life so much, they couldn’t bear the pain to see the next day because their next day was like living hell on earth?

I know first hand what it is to be bullied, because I was bullied during elementary school and sixth grade. I remember not wanting to go to school, I remember being slapped in the face by a boy because I was what they called a “quiet church girl” who didn’t retaliate against them. I didn’t defend myself and in turn, the bullying worsened until I was transferred to a different school which many years ago, solved the “physical problem”however; damage to my inner being was done and it took years to recover which by the grace of God, I was fully restored. This is only one story of many.

Even more so, I know how it affects others because most recently, my son was bullied, specifically in middle school and while I did all I could to reassure him how much God loved him, about my love for him and the love his family had for him, it didn’t change the fact that he felt broken inside. He is thirteen years old.  All because he chose to “turn the other cheek” as the Bible calls us Christians to do; all because he chose to respect girls, because he chose not to smoke, because he chose to respect others; he was bullied and while he appeared strong on the outside and seemed to be unphased, on the inside, he was being broken.

You cannot possibly begin to comprehend the evil forces you are playing with but I think someone needs to tell you.  You’ve allowed yourself to be a puppet for the enemy of your soul –  satan and in fact, each time you bully someone, he’s using you.

Do you still not care about what you’re doing or what you’ve done? Know this…

There is  God who sits in the Heavenly places Who is watching the pain you’re causing. He fights for those you’ve hurt.

  • Psalm 56:8 says that The Lord keeps track of all our sorrows. He has collected all our tears in His bottle. He has recorded each one in His book. Not one tear goes unnoticed before The Lord.
  • Romans 12:19-20 tells us “Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, “I will take revenge; I will pay them back,” says the LORD.
  • The Lord says in Luke 20:43 that He will make our enemies our footstool.

While many will say repay evil with evil, the Word of God says otherwise:

  • Romans 12:17 tells us “Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable.”
  • Leviticus 19:18 says “You shall not take vengeance, nor bear any grudge against the sons of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself; I am the Lord.”
  • Mark 12:31 says that we shall love our neighbors as ourselves. There is no other commandment greater than these. These are the very words of Jesus Christ.
  • The Bible also says in James 4:11-12 “My friends, don’t say cruel things about others! If you do, or if you condemn others, you are condemning God’s Law. And if you condemn the Law, you put yourself above the Law and refuse to obey either it or God who gave it. God is our judge, and He can save or destroy us. What right do you have to condemn anyone?”
  • Jesus told us in Matthew 5:44 to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us.

See, while the natural emotions within us would want a bully to get what they “deserve”, Christians are to do the opposite of what the world wants and what the world does.

So with that said, I have forgiven those who long ago bullied me but most importantly and most recently have bullied my son.

While we are in the healing process, we have already won the victory because our God; our Protector fights for us. We only need to be still and wait on Him. He will restore ALL that the enemy has  taken from us. Oh but woe to the one who continues unrepentant for he shall endure what the Word of God promises to our enemies. Not because this is what I desire, but because the Word of God does not return to Him void. He is not a lying God. He will avenge His children because those who harm a child of God, are hurting God because we belong to God.

Even with all of the above said, know this, I’m sorry you’ve been hurt. I’m sorry the person who hurt you never said they were sorry and I’m sorry that you live believing you’re not loved or that you can’t change because that’s not true.

The Lord loves you so much, He died for you and He wants to forgive you. You will be forgiven if you repent of your sins. The Lord knows you’ve been hurt as well by others because there is no way, a person would result to such behavior without an abusive past of their own.

I do also want you to know this; if you make the conscious decision not to repent and should someone you’ve bullied take their life, their blood is on your hands, the one who commits suicide, loses their soul. My son would like to ask you “how would feel knowing, you’re the reason they’re spending eternity in hell (Sheol)?” Something to think about…

The question I propose to you is: would you rather repent and turn away from what you’ve done or feel the vengeance of The Lord as promised in the Bible?

My prayer for you is that you will come to full repentance for what you’ve done and make things right if you still have contact with the one(s) you’ve bullied.

The Bible says in 1 John 1:9 that “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

Salvation comes from true and sincere repentance (turning away from sins). The Bible also says that “For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.” Romans 10:13.

The choice is yours, I pray you choose wisely… Not for my salvation, but for your own.

Ask Jesus into your heart today and accept His forgiveness.

God bless you and know that Jesus loves you.

T


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